i turned 30 a little over 30 days ago. i would consider myself an eligible bachelor; handsome, intelligent, employed. but i think there’s more to it than age and biology. i still believe in romance,-despite previous attempts at love and failed experiences. i also enjoy the freedom of being single.
of course being black and gay complicates this idea just a little. in my 30 years, i have lived and witnessed enough to know that finding love is a challenging adventure for most, but for black gay men- it can feel a lot like a soap drama. we have sex drives like teenage athletes; and we often use this excuse when confronted with problematic decisions that fuck up our lives. we long for affection, often confusing desire for authentic connections. we look through the world for a reflection of ourselves and most importantly a safe haven from the roughness that life presents us. the trick at doing this, being sexually promiscuous, gorgeous, emotionally-detached, and overconfident, while attempting to love another black man can seem impossible.
and trust me, i’ve tried several times; typically finding it in myself to try at least one more time.
a friend of mine always jokes about my love life as if it’s a television series. not like flavor of love or bachelorette necessarily; maybe more like sex and the city, or def jam’s how to be a player with just enough noah’s arc sprinkled in.
“and on this season of b boy blues, darius dates…”
and cut to the types, traits, and/astrological signs of the men i date. my love life looks nothing like carrie bradshaw’s or even marcus graham’s, but i’m obsessed with adorning myself with fine clothes, accessories, and scents nonetheless. there’s a decent amount of men in my life, characters even. still, there’s a difference between interviewing an endless rotation of men in a city that never sleeps while writing a column and living a caucasian lifestyle fabulously outside of one’s means versus jolting awake at 4:30 am alone and trudging through my morning ritual.
i moved to new york 3 years ago, for love and career. career is what i’m currently holding on to. but what makes my love story so different?